An irregular, irreverent, post-modern account of the surreal, the ordinary, and the bizarre happenings on and around the Felia lavender farm in Crete

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Lima and Eddie

Hi kidz didger missme? Wherve you been you ask and well mightyou. Well thats what they call a shaggydog storey and I carnt tell you exactly where weve been coz its a state secret (no honest it is).

Look - it all started when the Boss was chatting with one of his pals on the interwebthingybob - you know the one the scotch bloke he calls McGudgeon. Anyways they were chewing the fat about guvermunt outsourcing and stuff and the scotch bloke (his name is Lima I found out) said he had answered a advert from a guvermnet department as a joke and had been awarded a contract to supply security services to a minister during the parlimentry break. They laughed themselves sick and then Lima said he was going to do it but he needed some muscle to back him up and then the Boss said I could help out if I was ameenable. And that's how it all began.

It turns out that Lima's a bit of an old geezer (understatement - he a real silver surfer it turns out) but he got the job because he does caravanning and that's what the minister does for holidays so he'd be a perfect undercover agent. Everyone knows that caravanners always go about in bunches. You know me I'm always up for a laugh and the idea of a jolly sounded good to me - it'd been too hot here for a while to do any proper work around the farm so I said yes and before we knew it it was time to beetle off to meet up with Lima and his delightful lady wife at Britelingsea that I got to on a boat or two. I was a bit worried about going back to the UK but Lima said the twats at GHQC would never pick me up if I was working for the guvermnet so I went with it and took my chances. Turns out he was right anyway.

I'd been told it was a woman called Margret and I'd thought it was that Chatter woman that used to run the show but no this turned out to be some old biddy with a face like a fiddle and teeth like a horse. First time I saw her I thought it was a joke. Still Lima and hi bride were smashing company (he's a lively old sod - bit like the Boss's grandad I guess) and I only got clostrophobia a bit at first - I got used to it in the end and Lima let me out pretty regular - we had to keep stopping because the Margret woman's hubby has to stop every so often, pretty often actually, to pee - seems he's older than Lima or looks it at least and he was doing all the driving.

Like I said I can't tell you where we went but some of it was familiar from my trip down to Crete the other year and they weren't speaking English. It sure was more comfortable in the Hairstream as Lima calls it than it had been kipping under bushes and hedges and nicking eggs for brekfats. Mrs Limas a neat cook and they had Marmite! And proper bacon! I reckon I'll be laying off the booze for a bit though - it got a bit heavy once or twice out there.

Suffys to say I had a bramah time and made two new friends. And I helped Lima stretch his pension a bit further. And I got a few bob too. As the Boss would say - result!

Good to be back though I'll miss the McGudgeons. And its still hot!!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Ed, though it's not possible to top such an excellent tale - not that I would try - I would just like to say how much we enjoyed your company, and that there's always a place for you at the McGudgeons' table.

    As always, it is a pleasure and delight to be in your company, and thanks for brightening up our days.

    Slainthe Mha,

    Lima and Hanna.