So ... is the Pope a catholic?

Well, that was a bit of a shocker wasn't it? 

What was? 

The old fella retiring …

What old fella? My old man's long dead and yours has been out to pasture for a good few years …

The Pope you fool, did you not hear it on the wireless? or see it on the idiot box?

Oh yeah, that …

Yeah that …

But it's not like he's a spring chicken is it? Eighty five or so they said … and he hasn't retired, they can't …

Whadda yah mean he can't retire ? 

Well it's technical, they say, he had to resign, they say, cos they can't retire … popes that is …

Why's that then ? Where did you hear that? 

It was in the paper this morning .. they said there was no Papal pension pot you see …

Eighty five did you say ? well he should be allowed to retire at that age shouldn't he? 

Well that's as maybe but if there's no pension pot then … what can you do?  I dare say he's got a few bob put by tho'. it's not like he's got a mortgage or rent to pay is it? must have put something under the papal mattress don't ya think? 

So they're supposed to work till they drop are they? Popes? 

I guess so … I mean my old man had been dead near 30 years when he turned 85 … it's a good age … 85 is … but it's not like he's had a hard life is it? Theology and the priesthood doesn't exactly knacker you out does it? not like humping bricks about your whole life is it? or clearing up other peoples' muck like your old man … what is he now? 70? be lucky to make it to 80, he will …

True … and his pension's crap too … and the government's not helping him much … I mean I drop him a few quid when I'm flush but a fiver doesn't go far these days does it? 

So what do ya think he was on … wage wise? The Pope, not your old man ..

Must have been a fair screw I reckon. A grand a week? More maybe …

Must have been. Well he wasn't exactly hard up was he? So why do ya think he packed it in? Like we said it's not like it's a tough job is it? So why would he pack it in? 

This guy on the radio this morning was saying it's all about making sure he can decide who the next bloke up will be … succession planning he called it … making sure that the next Pope is a conservative too 

So he was a Tory? I didn't know that. So will Cameron get the job then? He's a bit young isn't he? 

a conservative with a small c not a Tory … Jeez … I don't even know if Cameron is a catholic but I do know the queen isn't, can't be, by law nor her kids

So when's the election? 

… what election? for the Pope? well they have to get all the bishops and cardinals over to Rome for that so that'll take a while I suppose …

Can't they do it on the internet these days? I mean some of those cardinal fellows are getting on a bit … why make them travel to Italy? and I wouldn't want to pick up the air fares for that lot …  

 True , that'll be a pretty penny that bill and anyway …

Anyway what? 

... well after that Arab spring jobby the other year shouldn't they be doing it democratic like now? All the candles voting for whoever they fancy? There was me thinking we like democracy .. recommending it to everyone … forcing it on loads of 'em even … why not the Pope then ? 

Well … it's the old do as I say not do as I do isn't it ? Same old same old. 

True … They should give it to that Dawkins bloke … he'd shake 'em up a bit,  bring 'em into the 21st century he would  … at least he'd get rid of all those filthy old kiddy fiddlers … 

Somebody should … disgusting that is … needs sorting … 

Not going to happen though is it? Not in our lifetime. 

Nope … Shall I get a couple more pints in?