Two for one special offer - today only•

THINGS YOU DON'T NEED IN CRETE

a washing machine - you have the time to wash by hand - it isn't a fashion parade - you clothes last longer - most things dry the same day

an iron and ironing board - see above - it's too hot anyway and life is way too short

a dishwasher - come on you didn't ever really need one

central heating - the sun warms the water free of charge - a wood burning stove works when there is no electricity - chopping wood is good exercise and warms you up in the winter - who wants to look at boring radiators?

a big fridge-freezer - you can shop every day - and you get fresh produce and seasonality back in your life - 5 portions of fruit and veg is easy to achieve

laxatives - see above - with 5 portions you're kidding right?

a hoover - tiles and rugs prefer a Ewbank - it's good exercise and it works without electricity

broadcast TV reception - a TV for watching the free DVDs from the weekend newspapers yes - broadcast TV, forget it, life's too full and if it isn't you aren't doing it right - if you must watch sport go to the taverna/bar and socialise - this way you don't get one of those hideous satellite dishes on your roof (bonus)

all those grisly pharmaceuticals that are prescribed to help you sustain a life in he fast lane that you hate - you are in the crawler lane now - let them all overtake you, you don't care

all those nice non-prescribed pharmaceuticals that help you relax or ratchet up or sleep or hallucinate - life here is good enough not to need chemical assistance - alcohol and nicotine are allowed

the daily lie sheets they call newspapers - an ADSL connection can put you in charge of your own news gathering and propagandizing - cut Murdoch and Black adrift, you never needed either of them

insurance - go with the flow and accept what happens instead of fearing the future - you haven't got that much to lose anyway - remember the car insurance though, they do insist